Monthly Archives: July 2003

Overheard I

“If someone gave me [colonic irrigation] as a birthday present, I’d be gutted.”

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Blink blink

Every time our landlord comes to see us he’s jetlagged. He is always on the move between Malaysia, Norway and the UK. As such he never really settles in any one country before his body clock has to be unplugged … Continue reading

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She’s got the look

While sitting in a cafe in Abingdon today I saw a woman go past. She had a deep, unhealthy tan (skin like parchment, I guarantee it, ten years max) and cheekbones that shone and protruded. The auburn, waxy, slightly pockmarked … Continue reading

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Crawling sensation

I remember a dream about tapeworms. Either it was encouraged by the did-you-know of how tapeworms, if starved and not tempted with bread, leave the body by eating down to the thigh and coming out at the knee… or it … Continue reading

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Hoovering a piano up a flight of stairs

I have just had an encounter with the hoover. I finally managed to remove the two pence that the previous tenants lodged in the curved section of the hose, and since there’s been a path from the outside world to … Continue reading

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Best foot forward

It isn’t just me who has noticed this. Consider a bicycle stopped at the front of a queue of traffic, all waiting for the lights to change. When they do so, the car immediately behind the bicycle has a tendency … Continue reading

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Shotover, and over, and over

Shotover Hill isn’t just a hill. After the laughable attempts of Oxford city centre to supply people with inclines—think the High Street, or the slopey bit between Worcester and the swoosh where George Street and Hythe Bridge Street get heatedly … Continue reading

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