A trip to Sainsbury’s yesterday evening left me utterly disappointed with the choice of advent calendars these days. Firstly, they’re “seasonal” calendars these days. Now, I won’t bang on about that trend as I simply don’t care about the sort of people who express wrinkle-nosed distaste either way: they are beneath me. But for the companies making the calendars it seems to be an excuse to abandon all the tweeness and bright festive feeling that the season (see?) brings with it (as we all agreed when one of our clients vetoed a tinsel and bauble theme to their Christmas makeover, the tackiness is the glorious, delicious point of December). But, in its place, what are we offered?
Well, more or less nothing. No decent artwork, certainly nothing you could be bothered hanging up on your wall. Most of them were two-minute sketches, a bit like the worse cartoons in Private Eye. And they were all quite small—because the amount of chocolate they’re willing to squeeze out for you is also fairly small, and all of Sainsbury’s calendars were chocolate, because after all the branch is based in David Cameron’s Fat Camp, and at a point on the ring road by which pedestrians rarely pass—so if you weren’t specifically getting them for the chocolate you might as well hang an oversize postcard up.
Don’t get me wrong: I wasn’t left railing at capitalism, the folly of the free market or base human nature; just a bit sad that we couldn’t get a calendar. So, to cheer us up, K. and I made a collage instead.
Yes, that’s right. And yes, it is all a bit arts-and-crafts and fanziny and styüd’nteh and silly. But (although I do say so myself) it looks smashing, very Sir Peter Blake, with Nick Cave whispering something horrible and secret into David Gray’s ear, and the lead singer of System of a Down wearing Son of Dork as a headdress. Every day until Christmas we’re drawing a door in marker pen over a celebrity, humorously juxtaposed with their facial features. The calendar should also pack neatly into our bags to go to Spain on the 19th. When it’s nearing completion I’ll flickr a photograph.