Monthly Archives: March 2006

Bump and grind

For any of my many, many correspondents currently feeling neglected: I have a bad back at the moment. My back is wicked. My back has been indicted and is due to appear at the Hague on charges too depraved to … Continue reading

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Ill-omens.co.uk

Client: Our hosting provider wants us to use a DNS that they can access, so if there’s a serious server problem they don’t have to ring round multiple DNS providers while tackling the emergency. Client’s boss: No, I don’t think … Continue reading

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Naipaul clamps down on his “peers”

V.S. Naipaul has already blooded his verbal weapons on gay-bashing, coincidentally the day before releasing a novel of his own, described by Paul Theroux as “the slightest book Naipaul has ever written and unquestionably the weirdest”. In the same rant … Continue reading

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Help She Can’t Gag

Debbie Isitt, comedienne and Friend Of Jeremy Hardy. That’s who the female vox from Help She Can’t Swim reminds me of. Vocally, that is: I can’t comment on her ability as a playwright. The FOJH is accepting donations, I hear. … Continue reading

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An island, entire of itself

How not to write a database: 127 tables No noticeable relations between the tables (no foreign or primary keys) Circular referencing (not enforced by keys) Approximately 80 tables redundant Of remaining 47 tables, 50–80% of columns redundant No checks, triggers … Continue reading

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Ceci n’est pas un annonce personnelle

“My name’s Dennis and I’m an affectionate, independent boy with real character. I love sleeping in handbags, having my head scratched and ham.”

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All those endless ends that can’t be tied

Guenther Grass writes about the second world war, by actually writing about his campaign trail during the 1969 German elections. But the star of his memoir-cum-novel—not himself, but Doubt, the man at his shoulder—keeps appearing in Grass’ present. Flashbacks rub … Continue reading

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At least it’s memorable

Randomly-generated password for a client to use (rejected during attempt to read out over phone): phuquu.

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Bursting onto the Oxford music scene

The band practice left me with a blister on my little finger; on the smallest knuckle, of all places. I think it came from resting it habitually on my top E-string as I played. With my weird, bendy-backy spatulafingers, it’s … Continue reading

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Tape me; tape me, my friend

Step On Stubby (or Booster Jab Ordeal, or whatever we eventually decide on) had its first recording session today, and it went surprisingly well. Immensely tiring, given that (as we were only recording single takes with all amps and vocals … Continue reading

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