So, as the loner army of Mark Thomas prepare to descend upon Parliament Square’s mad exclusion zone, each conducting their own, entirely separate and unconnected protest, I want to join all right-thinking bloggers such as Rachel from north London in condemning fruit-battery. Such flagrant disregard of the most basic of fruit rights reveals the rotten canker at the heart of our democracy. “Whatever you do to the least of my veg’tables, that you do unto me.” Bernard Matthews 25:40, I think you’ll find.
Far worse is the practice of seasoning the fruit: indeed, such a-salted fruit-battery should be punished with the full force of the law. They should all be locked up, unlike the lone protestors, who need a medal, to be enjoyed jointly in a similar manner to that awarded to the gentlemen of the Maltese persuasion. Or a lovely pie, ditto. After all, it’s hungry business, protecting free speech.