Please do not press this button again

It’s been a busy couple of weeks, but more about that elsewhere. After a few nights’ poor sleep, and a late night at work yesterday, I was hoping for some decent kip. So it caused a good deal of consternation when a car alarm went off in our corner of the close at around 3am, and continued for some time (periods when you’re being kept awake telescope at that time of the morning). The car didn’t look familiar, but was parked at a rakish angle somewhere between the houses of Estate’s Token Asian and Drives SUV to Squash. I think it belonged to a friend the former, as the latter has no friends, just a gut.

What is the function of car alarms? Nobody called the police. Nobody even went and knocked on Estate’s Token Asian’s door. All that happened was we waited in our beds for it to finally stop: a process made all the more painful by the fact that it would occasionally pause for just long enough for you to think it had recovered its equilibrium before banging on again for twenty seconds. If it had been anything more than the local tomcats tapdancing on the bonnet then the car would have been totalled. And, as the cliché goes, we were all tempted to go and vandalize the thing ourselves.

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