Category Archives: christmas_2005

December 25

Santa is asleep, dead drunk on a rock ‘n’ roll combination of sherry and milk. Looks like someone’s been drawing on him in his sleep. Ssh. Don’t wake him. Get the camera first. Merry Christmas. Advertisements

Posted in christmas_2005, seasons, time | Leave a comment

December 24

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house/ Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;/All except Bjork who, with lips puckered out,/ Looked quite like a mouse with her hamsterish pout. Anyway, it’s Björk, isn’t it? … Continue reading

Posted in christmas_2005, seasons, time | Leave a comment

December 23

Serj Tankian, lead singer of System of a Down, recently declared at the MTV Music Awards that “Civilization has failed.” And that was before he got a box round his head.

Posted in christmas_2005, seasons, time | Leave a comment

December 22

John Lennon. He’s 25 years dead, and what’re you doing about it this Christmas? Parsonally, Jocahsta and I are hahlahting his plaiht by drouwing a bowx rahwnd him. Free Mumia.

Posted in christmas_2005, seasons, time | Leave a comment

December 21

Overwhelmed by seasonal goodwill, Shakira can’t stop blubbing, the milksop. Her mascara is running, and one can clearly make out the numbers “2” and “1” on her cheeks.

Posted in christmas_2005, seasons, time | Leave a comment

December 19

Get ready for the turkey! December 2nd’s George Foreman, standing idly to one side of this set of quality knives in a space-age brushed-metal block, clearly approves. I don’t think you can get fat-free basters, though.

Posted in christmas_2005, seasons, time | Leave a comment

December 20

The eyes are the windows of the soul. But as Frank Black is wearing sunglasses, one has to be content with a newly-inscribed window on his paunch. Oh, look! There’s a Christmas pudding in there! You’re on Atkins in the … Continue reading

Posted in christmas_2005, seasons, time | Leave a comment